first post

my first ever spiritual writing that's being copied from my journal. this is the beginning of it all.

Today was...well yesterday was my first day in Reiki Level 1 class.  We learned a lot, but I feel like I didn't learn anything at all. Idk. Let me start by saying I feel that me going to Monica and learning reiki was a very natural process. Once I began looking into healing I found the info and Monica very quickly.  I am scheduled to work every weekend but the weekend the Reiki classes take place and nothing feels odd or forced at all. I feel like this is where I'm supposed to be now. Well in the class we got a lot of info and Monica talked a lot and I felt like i lucked out by getting her.  she seems very experienced and knowledgeable.  But at the end of the day I was wondering what I was supposed to do with the info. How was I supposed to apply it.  She put us in this separate room.  It was very dim and soothing.  She talked a lot about Reiki and its principles and what we can o with it and her and her background and how Reiki has helped her.  We meditated for a bit.

Later on she did the attunment where she said she's opening up our crown and we were now able to receive the information from God and the energy around us.  And it is now imprinted on us and Reiki will be with us forver.  It was two other women, who names idr and she had us ling down on a mat and she told us to meditate.  I laid here attempting to meditate.  And it was a very weird feeling. I kind of felt like I was out of my body a bit.  I've felt that all today.  which I don't think is good bc that means there's something wrong with my red (root) chakra.  My spirit and body isn't connected. Anyway I felt weird vibrations I think you can call it.  Or electricity. energy. It made me feel odd.  And I started to think of this Viet restaurant I saw the other day while walking in the downtown area named "Vinh's Vietnamese Restaurant" that only struck me, or caught my attention bc Vinh is/was the name of this guy I had a crush on. And he's Viet. Anyway that drug me into this weird dream of him and me in a black car in the darkness.  I kept trying to fight this dream, but it was like it was determined to come.  I felt like my spirit was literally being pulled into this weird dream.  And it was nothing really. Just me and him and complete darkness.  And a car.  I felt we were on a road.  There was a beam of light somewhere .  We weren't in the car tho.  We were "together" like a couple.  It was just so odd. Bc I wasn't asleep.  But I felt like I was.  And then Monica came and brought me out of it by touching me.  I literally gasped.

 She brought me to the chair and we did the attunement.  I thought I was the first one, but apparently I was the last.  I guess I didn't realize she did the other two.  anyway, towards the end she kept talking about what we should focus on and  what we shouldn't do and drinking and partying was on the don't list. Now I had made plans with KK (good female friend) to go out and I was really looking forward to it.  So I was like "Pssh! Sry Reiki teacher, I'm going." (in my head) and I kept trying to rationalize it thinking that dancing brings me peace and a sense of unity and connects my body and spirit to the music. And she just kept mentioning it. I could tell she was talking to me but I kept trying to ignore it and tell myself to stop being paranoid.  Even in the end she had us all pull cards and the one she pulled was about purification and basically not putting any toxins in your body an being in peace and quiet for the time being.  And she kind of looked at me and said these cards are for everyone. The one I pulled was "Peace Offering" and the White Buffalo Woman.  It was about forgiveness and forgiving  others for any past differences.  And I knew it was talking about my fight with my sister (C.) Another girl pulled out an Energy Healer card and its about being more spiritual and helping yourself and others thru energy.  The other girl, I forgot what card it was (I was still having an inner conflict about whether I should go out or not.  Afterward we all held hands and prayed. And Monica turned to me and goes.  "Do you plan on partying tonight?" and ...I'm not a liar so I pause and go "Yeah," sheepishly.  And everyone kind of laughed and I go "How do you know?" She goesinto a story about her third eye and knowing things.

 Anyway, fast forward.  I leave and I'm driving home trying to remember things I learned and feel a connection and I can't. I feel like everyone felt a connection but me. I feel like nothing differen has happened and considered asking her if she's sure my crown is open and can she try it again. smh. I'm at home eating Subway and going over the Reiki notebook.  I begin to feel really exhausted. Not the -itis type of exhausted.  But a "omg. I've worked really hard tiring work" type tired.  I finalized plans on going out, I feed y dog and put her in the garage and lay down bc I begin to start to feel weird.  I'm sleeping and drift off right away.  Now my head is swimming and it hurts.  My stomach hurts. My back. I'm having these weird dreams about Reiki that I can't remember once I wake up. But I know  most of the dream took place in the room we were in for the session. Monica was there and she was laughing at me bc I was sick. And I mean I was feeling awful. Her eyes were red.  she seemed evil to me somehow.  I kept thinking in my dream, "What has this lady done to me?" I wake up after what felt like 3hrs and it turned out to have b en less than half an hour.

I go back to sleep and the same thing ensued.  I could've sworn I was right in Monica's little room. She talked earlier about spirits being in more than one place at once while sleeping. Maybe..ik.. but anyway I woke up again after an hour and decide to let KK know how I was feeling.  I was going to go anyway bc I said I would and I remembered Monica saying that sometimes there'd be an interference in what you planned on doing and a lot of times ppl take it as a sign and give up but you shouldn't do that and find a way. I decided to use that and go anyway.  But I msg'd Monica and told her how I was feeling and she called back and we talked. She said that it's normal to feel bad and that maybe its my spirit guides stopping me from going bc I'm not supposed to go.  She said what she said earlier about interference was moreso doing Reiki on ppl and things interfering. Not partying. So I listened and decided not to go.  I  remember thinking earlier "If God didn't want me to go, something would happen that would stop me."  There, we had it. I wasn't supposed to go.  I've received many signs that day.  also I tried doing some reiki on myself on my stomach, head and back pain. And it worked! The pain stopped! Not sure if it was mental or what bc I had just glanced over some stuff in the back of the book. we're learning t tomorrow.  anyway, now I'm feeling that the Reiki did do something and maybe the attunment worked after all.