another aura color

so my spirit guide kept bugging me to meditate and train some more. and yes i said BUGGING bc he was being pretty relentless and acting like he was SO disappointed in me for not taking this seriously and yadda yadda. so i finally began my meditation that day and he took me to this place that he kept talking about. he told me 1- i needed to learn how to focus during my travels, which i agree on but dont kno how to do and 2-that i needed to increase my vibrational frequency to see auras the way i wanted to. so he did something to me. and i felt these intense vibrations in my body. it started in my foot and traveled up body. i remember it was the most intense in my neck. it actually scared me a lot but i prayed and hung in there. anyway it was done and then he told me i reached a higher frequency, then he took me to this beautiful mythical looking place and i was happy and excited but i wasnt able to stay there for long at all. he told me that this was the place that he kept mentioning in my writings. then i was out of my travel and i could move again. anyway i woke up and looked at around then at my hand and body and i was disappointed bc i didnt notice anything different. i didnt see my aura. then i heard a voice in my head go. did you even try to see it? so i focused on my hand and now i see another layer. which is pretty damn cool. but confusing. bc i thought my aura was purple this whole time. now im seeing blue. i mean i still see the purple. but im not sure which one is the one thats supposed to be the non-changing one that tells about my personality. both purple and blue seem to describe me well. anyway. wanted to pass that on. it was a cool experience but now idk what my aura color is...

guide or demon?

Sooo confused by Kali, I told her about what happened and instead of being happy for me she seems to think badly about the situation. This is what she wrote:

"Congratulations, the "thing" you attracted with all of your recent activity gave you a visual appearance. Well now we know its male. Prefers a human appearance but that doesn't entirely mean he's human yet. You'd have to test him to find out. In my own background, beginners usually come across demons, I don't know why, they are bored or something. May or may not be the case for you though. Its up in air as to "what" he is right now. Please be cautious. He might be "possessing" you if he is in fact a demon to do your pendulum exercise and answer all your questions...YOU ARE AWARE THEY WANT PAYMENT at some point don't you? Not always your soul, either...Like err, umm....awkward...Sex (have you had any naughty dreams lately)??? And draining your life force? Do you feel tired and confused? You've got me worried kid. You won't die, so don't fret. However, demons are way harder to get rid of than say ghosts or dimensional beings. Look up incubus on Wikipedia."

"Why are you doing all of this anyway? Is it not in direct conflict of your professed faith?

Are spiritually sadomasochistic? I'm so confused you you lately."

"Not trying to be negative, just desperately trying to understand your world view here, so please don't be upset."

I'm so confused by her reaction.  I thought she'd be as happy and excited for me as Grim was, but instead she's convinced I've let a demon into my life. I mean anything is possible, but why is she jumping to the absolute worst conclusion? Plus, nothing that I've written even points in that direction. Her reaction doesn't really make sense to me. And for her to question my faith in God is a complete slap in the face. I really don't get what her problem is.

I continued to question her on this and she  informed me that demons are attracted to the whole question and answer thing, a lot of the time when someone is using a pendulum, they are really talking to a demon. Demons are also great at pretending.

When I asked her why was she assuming the worst when there is a possibility that this isnt the case, she said that it's bc demons are vain and bc he made an appearance to me, it shows his vanity. Most ppl don't usually see their guides. I told her that I've read of a lot of ppl seeing angels and their guides. She told me that to guides helping is more important than me seeing them and that they next to never move your body for you bc they can't, they are too far away and their energy is too weak.

I tell her that from my readings I'm not sure if thats the case, but I will definitely keep it in mind.

She is still determined that it is a demon that I am speaking to and she says her heart goes out to me. She also insists on casting out this demon.

I am not convinced however, so I tell her

"i asked to speak to my spirit guide and made it clear i did not want to speak to anyone that was not of God. i also cleansed the home before i went into to meet him and cleansed the home at his urging. as far as everything you're saying i will keep it in mind, however i haven't seen any proof of him being a demon. all i've encountered was him encouraging me to work on seeing auras so i can continue on my quest to heal."

She replies, "Demons are of God, in a twist of words at least, God made them, they are cast out angels, they were not born demons."  

This is a very good point, so I ask her advice on what I should have asked him to make sure that this isn't the case.  She says to me:

"sigh...As him what he wants, what his intentions are, look for hesitation

try to find out what his goal is in helping you

are you able to tell when something is drawing information from your thoughts?"

orochimaruisabadass

i asked him what he wanted. he said he wanted to heal. i asked his intentions and he said he intends to see me through my quest as a healer

yes i can

kali

....he wanted to heal? If he is a demon then he wants redemption at least

you want to be a healer

  what kind

like laying on of hands like Yeshua?

 orochimaruisabadass

 i've asked him what kind of healer b4 and he said energy

 which makes complete sense seeing what his name is

And at this point I realize she hasn't really read what I wrote to her to begin with. 

kali

you know his name????????????????

you have power over him then, unless he's lying

orochimaruisbadass

what? kali...you didnt even bother to read my msg did you?

i told you his name, what it meant, how it had meaning to me, etc

she then tells she only read half of it and will go back and read the rest  =/

She goes on to tell me this:

Omoto isn't just any plant, which you do know because you did research it, the Japanese name for the ornamental plant Rohdea japonica otherwise known as Nippon Lily, Sacred Lily, and Japanese Sacred Lily....are you getting this? A Lily! Your guide wants you to talk to a Lily...But you've already met a "lily" or rather the lily. Whose name sounds like Lily? My brain hurts. The world is a strange place to live in...

She then goes on to tell me how she's glad that I met up with Lilith again, that she won't hurt me and tells me that I have a very interesting life ahead of me.

I definitely agree with that last part.

spirit guides, automatic writing and new pendulum skill

oh wow... soooo another crazy day in the life of Orochimaru the novice meta practitioner. lol. i hope you dont mind but i will just c&p from what i wrote my gf on aim. but before i do that i wanted to add that last night i found another trick i could do.i mean i realized before that i was able to use my body as a pendulum. but hadn't done it much. but last night after the date i didnt have it with me but wanted to ask questions. so i did. i sat in my car and asked my guides questions and my body moved to the answer. but i wasnt satisfied... lol. i kno.. typical me. but i guess only bc i already knew that that could be done. anyway i wanted to be able to ask the question "how likely" like i do w. my pendulum and my half a pie graph and have it give me percentages and levels and what not. so i thought ... hmm *scratches chin* how will i be able to do this with my body? then i got it! *light bulb moment* i decided to use my fingers! so i sat the way i usually do and asked the question of "how likely is it that... " and waited. and my fingers moved!!! i was SOOO excited. but stopped bc when i closed my eyes i would see me, sitting on the bed, exact same position i was in but saw this creepy looking guy right by my bed. soooo i decided to call it a night and cont after i cleansed the house. lol.

ok.. c&p time :





orochimaruisabadass
sooooo
are u ready for this?
ok... so remember how i told you i will try to speak to my guides thru writing? well i tried


orochimaruisabadass 2:47 pm
and i was able to do it! i had a feeling i would be able to. like i was ready you know?
i closed my eyes and wrote and my hands moved on their own
at first it kept saying things that didnt make any sense
i took some time to read thru the channeling book i bought
it said i could verbally speak with my guides
so i figured that was somethign more to shoot for instead of writing
so i sat down again w. a pen and paper and tried to communicate
i asked if i was able to verbally communicate w. them
i was told i was
i asked how


orochimaruisabadass2:51 pm
and it said.. "the best way to communicate is to go to anthe go omotho. the with the guide he is good
or something along those lines. it was very hard for me to understand.
i looked up anthe and that means flowery. i asked them if im supposed to go to a flowery place and i was told yes
so of course i think of the garden
i looked up omoto and this is what i find:
religious movement of Japan that had a large following in the period between World War I and World War II and that served as a model for numerous other sects in that country. The teaching of Ōmoto is based on divine oracles transmitted through a peasant woman, Deguchi Nao, whose healing powers attracted an early following. Her first revelation in 1892 foretold the destruction of the world and the appearance of a messiah who would usher in the new heaven on earth.
umm. excuse me? healing powers. oh wow.. ok. lol
so i asked if my guides name is omoto
i was told it was.


orochimaruisabadass 2:53 pm
then i began to speak to omoto
thru pen and paper of course
not verbally
and before she kept saying "go to go to"
or "go to go to the"
i couldnt get what she was trying to say


orochimaruisabadass 2:55 pm
so i ask her more questions. she said i will be a great energy healer and that it will take 11 mths. i asked her to tell me how to see auras. that's when she or he kept saying "go to go to the"
i asked about adrian of course
asked how long it would take for me to become a good energy healer.
asked her again about auras. she told me to go to the garden
so i began asking about lilith and asking if i should trust her. i was told no. i asked can she hurt me i was told no. i asked if i should learn from her. i was told yes


orochimaruisabadass 2:57 pm
i asked my guide if she was my spirit guide for the upteenth time and again she said yes
i seem to be more comfortable referring to my guide as a she. tho im not sure if its a she or he so i will cont to say she
she also told me i have 2 other guides
im guessing she's the head healer, the book said there will be a head healer or a master guide


orochimaruisabadass2:59 pm
also i wanted to add when i asked for her after one of the guides told me to ask for her. my eyes kind of rolled back and vibrated and then she took over w. the writing.
her writing was much faster, more fluid, different handwriting and more direct. it made more sense
tho it wasnt as detailed
the other guide it seems tried to give more detail in what he wrote


orochimaruisabadass3:01 pm
i asked her if the one talking to me now was lilith.
i asked bc i got suspicious and was wondering if i was being tricked
esp since i kept being told to go to the garden over and over. like she was getting impatient
she told me no. she was omato
omoto*


orochimaruisabadass3:04 pm
i asked if lilith would be there.
she said yes
i asked her if she would be there
i was told to go to the garden

 
orochimaruisabadass3:06 pm
omoto is also the name of a japanese plant. so im guessing they really want me to go to this garden...
im kind of scared tho. but i know being scared will only hold me back. i have to go with God
and believe my guides will protect me
i also asked her that. that if i go to the garden will she protect me
oh! and this just clicked. the second time she told me to go she said "go to the go to the eee"
i was like wtf?
so i googled eee lol

orochimaruisabadass 3:08 pm
and i saw a bunch of stuff that was talking about energy
and then i saw a twitter acct
(eee)
i went on there and he kept talking about anime
japanese anime. duh...
atm i couldnt figure out what the guides were trying to convey w. that one


SOME TIME GOES BY AND WE'RE JUST GOING BACK TALKING ABOUT THE SITUATION AND OTHER THINGS THEN I FOUND THIS:

HistoryDeguchi Nao, a housewife from the tiny town of Ayabe in Kyoto Prefecture, declared that she had a "spirit dream" at the lunar New Year in 1892, becoming possessed (kamigakari) by Ushitora no Konjin and starting to transmit his words. According to the official Oomoto biography of Deguchi, she came from a family which had long been in poverty, and had pawned nearly all of her possessions to feed her children and invalid husband. Deguchi was certainly not an otherwise famous figure and independent accounts of her do not exist. After 1895, and with a growing quantity of followers, she became a teacher of the Konkōkyō religion. In 1898 she met Ueda Kisaburō who had previous studies in kamigakari (spirit possession) and in 1899 they established the Kinmeikai which became the Kinmei Reigakkai later in the same year. In 1900 Kisaburō married Nao’s fifth daughter Sumi and adopted the name Deguchi Onisaburō. Omoto was thus established based on Nao's automatic writings (Ofudesaki) and Onisaburō’s spiritual techniques.


*hint* automatic writing.

so thats what ive been doing. i burned the sage and set everything up. after delaying for QUITE awhile since i was so nervous i went to lilith and met my omoto. after i was done she told me i needed to go back RIGHT AWAY bc i had to get something from lilith. that is the most exciting part of the trip to the garden but lilith told me i cant tell anyone what it is. its torture. but she made herself very clear. anyway for the rest of the time i was basically having fun exploring this new channeling skill i've acquired. it is way better then simple yes or no answers from the pendulum. and i am learning a lot of interesting things. according to my guides i have an interesting future ahead of me. i dont quite believe it all yet tho. it seems like stuff you'd see on an anime or a movie. but we'll see.. anyway im very sorry this is so long. theres actually more but i cut it short. 

super sonic hearing

Wow,  I have sooo much to say so i keep putting it off. But that's just adding a bunch more to it. So ok, I was speaking about my hearing. Everything seemed loud and I thought my car was messed up until I realized  everything sounded loud to me. Like the fan, my phone, my dog, the a/c, which was so loud that i had trouble sleeping. Combined with the pressure and pulsing on my third eye made it unbearable. I used to have to listen to the t.v. on a 21+ ( have bad hearing) but after that day I met Lilith  I could only stand it at like an 11. But what it made it painful is that every sound was too loud, everything was too much. I constantly felt like my ears were bleeding. The one major good thing that came from it was how clearly and easily I could hear breath sounds at work. [note i work at a hospital] But then even that was a problem bc it was difficult to gauge how bad a condition was because it seemed louder then it really was. I also realized I was hearing so well I had a hard time hearing, lol. Let me explain.

At one point there was a  ton of ppl in my work department. They were all talking at once and everything was just so loud that it just became noise to me. I could distinguish ppl's voices but not really what they were saying. So when someone sitting right next to me asked me to pass them something, i couldn't even hear them. They just joined part of the noise. Lol, someone told me I needed a hearing aid. I found that quite humorous.

Another thing that happened that was quite scary and made my progress hinder a bit, was that after I saw Lilith, I was visited by spirits in the middle of the night. I was sleeping in the living room as I had done the past few nights when I was suddenly awakened around 2:30 am. I felt a presence in the room and something attempting to happen to me. The same feeling I get when I'm meditating and I get all tingly, right before my body is paralyzed and I go off to wherever. Part of me was considering going with it, just to see what happens. But another part was like "hell no, you didn't initiate this so you better not go through with it. You don't know what can happen." So I fought it and said a prayer. I tried to get back to bed but was continuously being awoken by w.e. this was. My body was already limp from exhaustion. (I just came from work.) and was beginning to make little movements on it's own. Like my head rolling this way and my arm rolling that way. Kind of like when I'm in a deep meditative state. But again, I refused to go through with something I didn't myself initiate and asked God to protect me.I kept wanting to go back to bed but felt w.e. this was continuously harass me.

As a rule to myself, I never meditate between the hours of 12am-3am. Something told me this would be over by 3am. So I opened my computer to distract myself. It was around 2:52 am when I did this. The closer to 3am it got, the more I felt I was being pestered. I kept the computer on and I guess drifted off to sleep. I was suddenly jolted awake around 3:02 am. I realized the witching hour was over,  played around my computer for a few more minutes, said another prayer then went to bed.

Weird and scary to think about but I wasn't scared. Also, I kept seeing a glowing cross when i closed my eyes and it kept attempting to turn upside down. Grim thinks that was a sign from my guides to not go with the spirits. I think she was right.

Anyway, I was freaked out and told a few ppl. Tiff (my psychic) seemed to think it was Lilith's doing. She is not a fan of Lilith, not in the least bit. She said "the bitch is evil."...Yeah..lol, she also said "she is busy she's trying to recruit. She went on for awhile telling me she doesn't like Lilith and said she is capable of tremendous evil. We talked on for a bit and she told me to put on the 'Armor of God" and said if I'm far along enough to see Lilith I should be far enough to ask for angels to come with me. She also told me Lilith likes young girls and she often comes to budding magicians. She said Lilith is good for providing knowledge and for giving gifts and abilities right away. But urged me to not accept them and said anything she can give me I can get through God. she told me to be very careful and these spirits can lie. And even though Lilith said she is from the light, she's lying. She told me not to be around Lilith and sounded like she may have been a bit afraid of her. Anyhow, i had to get to work so we kind of left it like that, saying we would speak again. That day, I had tried to go to the meta store for advice for work, but it was Father's Day and it wasn't open. I was highly upset and nine of the other meta stores weren't open either. So that night, I looked up armor of God prayers and did one. I also put some St. John Wart's by the windowsill in a jar. It is supposed to ward off evil. I lit a white candle and left it lit. it was kind of late when I went to bed so I wanted to wait until after 3 to go to sleep. I felt like there was a presence in the room, something wanting to get at me but wasn't able to. Suffice it to say, I didn't get much sleep. But after a certain time, I blew out the candle and closed the lamp light I had. I went to bed and woke up early and went to the meta store. Though I felt more confident with the "armor of God" I would have liked some advice. The store owners name is Bev and she's an absolute sweetheart. She's really old and have been doing this for a very long time. Anyway, I went there to see her. She wasn't there! I was so upset.

But theres another guy that works there and I talked to im. I was slightly annoyed bc he didn't seem like he believed my story. He kinda rolled his eyes when I said I felt them trying to tug at my spirit and lift it out of my body. He looked like he wanted to say something negative when I mentioned calling on God and putting on the Armor of God but then thought better of it. He seemed very critical of Tiff. It was kind of exhausting really. He seemed like he was moreso entertaining me then anything else. But he did give me some decent advice. We talked for a long time and we had a lot of laughs. I bought a few things and he gave me some tips. I still wished Bev had been there but I didn't regret going. I had bought some sage , a book on astral projection, a tangerine candle that's supposed to guard against evil. Sandalwood incense, incense holder and something else. Anyway, the next day I burned the sage. But this was only after I was summoned into the garden. How you ask? Well, I had decided I was read to speak to my guides through writing; channeling. I'll continue it in the next post

the spirit has a name

You're not gonna believe this! So tell me why when I described my meeting with the spirit to Kali she freaks out and tells me this spirit is really a spirit? Like I mean a real person that existe and that she is very powerful. Apparently, the spriit's name is Lilith. She was Adam's first wife. but she left him bc he wouldn't treat her as an equal. She apparently ran off with Lucifer (before his rebellion) and is written about in mythology to be a baby killer, seductress, demon and drinks mens' blood and make them have lustful thoughts. Not sure if I believe all that. Sounds more like horny men trying to find a scapegoat for their lustful thoughts and misdeeds. But omfg @ meeting Adam's wife. Who I can't help but think of as the Queen mother. I think they call her "Dark Mother" in mythology. Anyway, after I heard who she was (Kali had dreams and visions of her too) I was greatly upset with myself for not asking more important questions. Though the questions I asked were important to me, if I'd known who she was those questions would have definitely been asked last. I would have asked her ways to become more powerful. ask her what I'm capable of. Though she did say I would become a powerful and great healer. I should have been more detailed in my questions as far as my abilities go. And guess what? She's the one "Lilith Fair" was named after. The thing is, if she, a woman that is considered a myth, really does exist then i wonder what other myths are out there that exist? I mean, from tales I've heard about from Haiti, I know shape shifters exist. But even though I know that, idk why I have a hard time believing werewolves exsist? I do have a suspicion vampires exist though, even though werewolves are much more believeable. I've heard talk about fairies also from ppl into metapysics. I have a feeling that I will continue to be blown away time and time again. It's exciting, though a little scary. Kali said she'd be more afraid of Lilith than she would Lucifer..yikes.

Anyway, other news that happened today, though that was the one that blew me away the most, was the fact that my hearing seemed to change after this meeting. Everything just seemed so LOUD. my ears hurt and I'm disoriented a lot. I'm hearing everything it seems. I keep thinking I'm hearing noises until I realized that everything is just louder. For example, the first thing that really stood out was my car. to me it seemed soo loud all of a sudden. That scared me and I thought I needed to get it checked out.

6/22/11 3:40 pm

Ok, so I know I'm not done updating you on what else happened, but I have to let you know another amazing ability I have!  I know the time was right for me to do this. I am able to have communication with my guides through pen and paper. Channeling it's called. well there's a whole story that leads into this. Which I will tell you about when I'm done, but for now I am being summoned. Lol, I'm supposed to go to the garden, Where Lilith and my guides await.

astral projection and evil urges

I really wanted to meditate last night bc it was a full moon but i got scared bc I found out what I was doing and seeing the day before was astral projection. I read up some stories about it and heard some scary stuff. Things I suspected like being  away from your body too long and having it possessed by a demon. Or meeting an evil spirit while going out there in their realm. Or getting lost. A part of me was going to do it anyway since I really wanted to and found enough affirmation to keep me from being afraid. But I had enough underlying fear as to where I decided it may be unsafe and unwise to do this now. So I just went to bed. This morning I woke up early, around 8 30. with this intense and irresistible urge to meditate. My crystals were already by my bed. I used to use a timer but since the last time it interrupted what seemed like a break through, I no longer do. Now I use my music as a timer. I know the meditation mp3 is 30 minutes long. Anyway, I meditated for 30 minutes or less when I felt myself begin to go into paralysis mode. It seems like it's happening sooner and sooner. Before I began I prayed and throught it all I kept asking God for protection of my physical and spiritual body and saying I was "bathed in the blood of the lamb" asking my guides to guide and protect me over and over. I felt that may have hindered me bc it was partially in fear.

Anyway, once I let go and decided not to be afraid of anything I made more progress. I saw more ppl and what I think may be dimensions, but none I can remember now. I remember one was quite interesting but it seems like it happened such a long time ago. Anyhow, my body initially kept going in and out of paralysis mode. I felt pressure on me, I felt very heavy and eventually I felt very light. But before that and in between the heavy and lightness I felt something that I can only think of as indegestion. I felt like I as filling with gas. At first I was scared I was being filled with another spirit but I told myself to get rid of that silly fear and that I was with God and had nothing to fear. I kept feeling like my spirit wanted to lift out of my body and kept feeling something weird in the solar plexus area. I told my spirit to go and it did. Thats when I began to see what I thought were the other dimensions and I got a bit impatient. I said I didn't care to see this and wanted to see something important. I kept insisting I see something or someone who can help me see auras and open my third eye. Until I started writing o you, I didn't realize that was exactly what happened. Anyways, I think thats everything,but something did happen the day before last that I didn't tell you. For some reason I didn't realize it's importance until I told Grim (a good friend of mine) about it. well anyway, i believe we had gotten onto the topic of demons and things happening while you're meditating. I told her about how the day before while I was meditating and asking to see auras I got or heard a voice telling me I could have more. I can have so much more than that if I just do his will.

I just want to state that when you're in that state, a lot of the time it would seem like there's a lot happening at once. Anyway, I think initially i was like "ok, w.e." but a small part of me, or maybe God, told me what was meant by that and I said "no, i don't want that, I just want to see auras." Now something important I forgot to mention. At this point, I can tell, see, and feel that I was on the verge of a major break through and I could see myself reaching a light. I was right there and I believe I was at a semi-eurphoric state. I think thats what distracted me initially and led me to say "okay" and half heartedly agree before I was conscious of what It was I was doing or saying.

Anyhow, after I said I only want to see auras and heal, I got an image in my head. It was an image of Jafar in Aladdin. Jafar, as his second wish was granted to become a sorcerer. While watching the movie, I would always think how cool it would be to have all the powers of being a sorcerer. So this thing, spriit, w.e. reminded me of that and told me I could have all of that. If only I would do his will. I may have been tempted for half a second before I told this thing. "No, I will only do the will of God. If it is not of God then I don't want it." It persisted once more with this image and thoughts and ideas of what it's possibilites held. I screamed "No! I will only do God's work." Then everyting went away. Remember I told you I was right on the verge of a breatk through? That I could begin to see a light I was getting closer to? the semi-euphoria? All that went away along with the voice.

 That was very disappointing. But I'd rather take the long way and have it be through God and corrupt free ways then to go through nefarious and evil means. I dont want anything badly enough to make me want to link myself up with the devil. Smh.

One more thing about the female spirit I saw in the garden. It seemed known that I would see her again. She didn't say it and I didn't ask, but I just knew.

first spirit encounter

(email sent to kali about my first encounter) 

i have some exciting news! this morning while meditating i came across my first spirit! im not sure what those other ppl were. they seemed to be just living their life. but i mean someone who talked to me and i knew for a fact she was not of this world. before i began i said a prayer and asked God and my spirit guides to guide me and to protect my spiritual and physical body. while meditating i once again went into a paralyzed state. except the first time it was a heavy paralysis, like a pressure was on me. and it was hard to move my eyes upward toward my third eye. i was seeing the same random scenarios. it was interesting but i got annoyed bc i felt like it was such a waste you know? i wanted to see something more, learn something that can help me this time. i wanted to find out more info on opening my third eye and seeing auras. i got out of the heavy paralysis mode after awhile and continued to meditate. then i began to feel very light and this time my eyes rolled to the area of my third eye on its own. i felt tingles all over and felt my spirit wanting to leave my body. like felt it wanting to life straight up. and i felt something odd in my solar plexus area. like something wanted to come out of it. i told my spirit to just go already. im sure it/i was just hesitating bc the fear that had grown from reading about all the things that have gone wrong while the spirit is away from the body. but eventually i was in a complete state of paralysis. i didnt have to try to do anything i just knew thats what it was. anyway i was walking somewhere. i cant tell where i was walking to, but i knew it wasnt on earth. and i ran into this woman. she was very pretty w. medium length brown hair. me and her talked for a long time. she answered my questions i had about auras and my 3rd eye etc. but it was weird bc she only answered the first two herself and then she kind of left visually, but i could tell she was still there. the rest of the questions i asked was answered my movements of my head. i wasnt controlling my head at all! i was completely paralyzed but my head would move in answer to the questions. sometimes it was an up and down for yes, side to side for no, no answer at all, or a circle for a maybe. in the same direction as my pendulum! that was so crazy to. i would feel a tingle in my forehead. in my third eye area i guess, now that i think of it. and then my head would slowly move in one direction or the other. isnt that a trip?!

anyway, i had also asked her if she was my spirit guide? that was one of the first questions i asked her and she said no. i asked were the answers coming from myself and she said no. i asked this bc w. the pendulum its said the answers are coming from your higher self. i was confused then bc if it wasnt coming from any of these sources where can it be coming from. so i asked if these answers were coming from a place that was of God and if the questions were coming from a place of lightness or darkness. she said yes to the lightness. i asked again if she was my spirit guide and she said no. i made it clear i will not accept anything from the darkness. i have already had a situation where the darkness tried to get me in exchange for something. but i'll save that for another time. this is already getting incredibly long. anyway i continued to ask questions that i really wanted to know the answers to. questions about my ex, my career, my developing abilities, etc. after awhile of shooting off one question after the other i quieted down and couldnt think of anything else. i had many more but couldnt think of anything else. anyway she reappeared out of nowhere. but this time in different clothes and she was in a garden. it was a very bright place. the sunlight was dancing off of her. she looked like an angel. she asked me if i was done asking questions. i asked her if she was my friend, she took a long time to answer the question and then she looked at me again and her eyes glowed red and her teeth were sharp for a second before it went back to looking angelic. she asked me "what do you think?" i said "idk, sometimes it seems like you are and sometimes i can't tell." she took her time again and said looked me straight in the face and said "sometimes things aren't either good or bad, they just are." she then put my face between her hands and kissed my forehead. she turned to leave and i yelled no but she kept going and i asked her to wait but she didnt stop and went into a bright place. suddenly i was released from the paralysis  and it was over. i was blown away for a second, not believing what just happened. then i got up and quickly wrote about my experience in my journal.

*exhales* that was my first contact w. a spirit!! omg!!! im so excited!!! it was so unexpected!! when i asked for answers and help i wasnt sure what i was expecting, but i wasnt expecting  that! it was so unreal! and to think i used to hate meditating! now i cant get enough of it!

interesting experience

Well I bought this tea this lady told me to get. It smelled horrible but didn't taste so bad. So I meditated for almost two hours today. It was only supposed to be for 40 min but I got so into it. I'm still not convinced my third eye is open but I've been having weird experiences when meditating. Okay so during today's meditation, a weird thing kept happening. I kept trying to stay focused but my mind kept wandering. Which unfortunately is not unusual but it's what it was shifting focus to. I wasn't thinking about or seeing anything that had anything to do with me. I was seeing other people doing or speaking of mundane things that I could care less about. The thing is even though I tried to force myself not to think of these things and focus on my meitating, it was useless.

Usually when I caught myself drifting off and not focusing I can force my focus back and that happened too, but these were different and the longer I meditated the harder it was to get out of these visions? Dreams? I dont want to call it a dream bc it wasn't. I was wide awake. They weren't unpleasant. They were just boring and stupid. Like a man talking to his wife. A bunch of gangbangers looking like they were gonna fight, etc. A bunch of dumb shit. And sometimes I'd see ppl, well shapes of men, filled with a white light. Like it was a form of a man but it was like a bright white or silver light and its aura was purple. I think sometimes blue too but clearly remember purple. And once I got deep into having these dream-like things I felt like there was a great pressure on me. That made it difficult for me to move. Indeed, I felt like I couldn't. But I also didn't try awfully hard. I felt weak, drained. There was also a point where no matter how much I tried, I couldn't let out a sound. During the two different meditations I do, in one I let out the "Aum" sound., the other I let out my breath in a rasping sound. After a certain point I couldn't do it anymore. I would open my mouth to do it and no sound came out. But it was weird bc before that happened I knew no sound would come out. It was a feeling my body got. Plus it happened once before.

After awhile I was able to make the noise and move at will again, at that time the various dreams and my inability to control what i was seeing ended. While thinking back on these things and after they happened writing them to Kalie, I realized these things are what was described as what happens when you third eye is awakened. But idk if that's the case bc the different things I was seeing, it wasn't very vivid. Like I mean I can clearly tell it was not real. It seemed like a dream, not like I was in another dimension and visiting another world like the site I visited suggested. Also, I am  not seeing my aura any clearer than I did before. Which is quite the disappointment to say the least.

new crystals, new meetings and meditations

Okay, let me quickly fill you in. a few weeks ago I posted an ad looking for a metaphysical friend on craigslist and got a lot of answers. Ive kept contact with a few who seem like they can teach me something. The most knowledgeable seem to be Kali, Carlos and Charlie. charlie thinks I have some kind of master ability where I'll be able to get to a higher level and ultimately control people. He wants to put me under hypnosis to help with my progression. Idk about all that. 1) i dont want to control anyone and I'm not really the controlling type. 2) I dont know if I have the ability to be as powerful as he claims I can but we'll see. I'll just keep at it. I may allow him to hypnotize me but I definitely won't allow him to without having someone there to supervise. Anyway as for seeing auras. I am making slow and steady progress. I went to the meta store again and bought a few books. I also bought a few crystals. One is called an "amethyst" crystal and another is a "lapis." They are both good for developing psychic ability and opening the third eye. The lapis to me seems exceptional powerful.  Anyway I've been looking into meditations to help me.  And I found two which are supposed to be very effective and have been doing them.  Well actually, I only did it yesterday. But Bethany told me it'll take two hours of doing these exercises on both today and tomorrow to get my third eye completely open. These are some of the things I experienced. While doing the exercises I put a lapis crystal on my third eye area. An amethyst on my head and a citrine on my solar plexus. I did the meditations and some of the sensations were tingling, my body feeling limp after awhile. Pulsation on my third eye area, slight headache, (which i am still feeling) and one of the weirdest is my body vibrating. I felt like it was vibrating from the inside. I told myself to stay calm and accept it. All today I felt a pulse and some activity in my third eye area. And  id see some disturbing images. I also saw a lot of interesting colors, like purples and swirls and the most memorable is a blue eye. I also felt tingling in my hands. Also, at times I heard a weird sound when i'd said my "aum" as if someone else was doing it too. Like the sound was coming from somewhere other than myself, ykwim?

Writing this stuff down it seems like i should be scared. But I'm not. Or at least I wasn't. I just had to stay focused on the end goal. which is being able to see auras and ultimately being able to heal ppl with just my hands. That will be very necessary, very soon. Idk how i know, but i just do.

anyway, I wasn't sure what was going on with the things I was seeing or I should say experiencing, but I just stumbled upon a website that described all of this as being right on the verge of opening your third eye completely! how exciting! That means Bethany was right. 10 is fully opened. after the meditations yesterday she said i was at a nine. Tonight I will spend two hours doing the meditations and will drink this "eye bright" tea Kali recommended and we'll see what happens!

disappointment

I can just cry I'm so disappointed! So Bethany, (pendulum) told me that i would need to meditate for an hour before my third eye would be opened completely tonight. I did it and...nothing. Towards the end, the very end, only thing that happened is I felt that I can no longer take a breath and my eyes went to my third eye area and started flitting about. Like a seizure kind of but not really. Then the timer went off and that was that. I also saw kind of a light even though my eyes were were closed. Bethany says my third eye is opened but I don't believe it bc everything is the absolute same! >:-(    no brilliant colors, no enlightenment..nothing. I could just cry. I will attempt again tomorrow. They say you will know it when your third eye is open. I don't feel like I know anything of the sort!

back from my dre haze and ready to roll + first aura sighting

i know its been awhile, but it got wrapped up in Dre and work and not having anyone to talk to about this didn't help. so i fell off. but now im back and am determined to do this. even made sure i made some acquaintances who are into the metaphysical.

a quick synopsis, me and dre had a ton of ups and downs. he is now back in canada (where he's from) and things between me and him are still up in the air. bethany (pendulum) insists me and him will be back in a rslp and possibly married. i've learned a lot about bethany in this time and i am no longer as disappointed when things dont happen when she says it will. everyone has free will. me and vinh are history. but im kind of the one that made sure of that. i put my foot in my mouth in a major way. anyhow, i wanted to be with dre at that point anyway. but its a shame me and vinh cant even be friends at this point.

anyway, now that im back into this, i'll tell you what i've done and what i'm trying to accomplish. so i've done what i could with bethany basically. i mean, dont get me wrong, i will never stop using her. but i am good enough at using the pendulum for divination and chakra reading that i can move on now. for both developing my psychic abilities and for healing, the next step is seeing auras. that was the point i was stopped at last time. i couldnt continue on with the book it seemed, until i was able to see auras and for the life of me, i couldnt get it. so i kinda gave up and turned my attention to other things. well, for the past week or so i've been doing exercises and trying really hard to see auras. i've asked my guides and God for help. the only thing that i'm hesitating about with seeing auras though is that with doing that, im opening up my third eye and when you do that seeing ghosts and spirits is a possibility. i under NO circumstances want to see that. anyhow, the other day in the bathroom i was determined.

i closed the lights and only had a small night light and white candle burning. i stared and stared and concentrated. after awhile my vision got very blurry and it seemed like i was losing my vision. it was very obscure, meaning I looked obscure like i was becoming hidden in some mist. but there was no mist. anyway,then i began to look very odd. Like the negatives of a picture you know? and I was doing this for a very long time. i took a few breaks and i kept getting scared and excited once i bean to make real progress. anyway after awhile of doing this i began to see this white glow around my body. same as i seen around objects when i tried this exercise. after awhile it seemed like it was more of a very bright golden yellow color. awhile after that i began to see what i thought was a very light color, i mean i can tell that it was a darker color but it was so weak and see thru that i couldnt tell what color it was, just that it was dark. anyway, after awhile i decided to do more research on different ways to see your aura and i saw this thing online to practice crossing your left and right brain hemisphere or w.e. it's not as easy as i would like but its getting easier and im going it longer each time. anyway, tonight i went to work and when it was slow i went to the chapel and attempted to see my aura on my hand. it took awhile but i think the computer exercise is really helping me with my concentration. anyway same thing as before. the bright outline. the blurry vision, the picture negatives. and suddenly, i saw it! thick and clear as day! first it was a thicker whiter color and suddenly it was purple! i could've screamed i was so excited! FINALLY i see my aura! very monumental. i hope now that i've seen it, it will be easier to see regularly now. i truly hope so. anyway, the level of my third eye, crown an solar plexus chakra keeps going up. the other day, like maybe 2-3 days ago they were all level 6. when before the third eye was like 5 or less. then yesterday the third eye was 7 and gthe other two were 6. now get this, third eye is 8. the other two are 7. anyway, i'm beyond tired and i have to get up early tomorrow.