I really wanted to meditate last night bc it was a full moon but i got scared bc I found out what I was doing and seeing the day before was astral projection. I read up some stories about it and heard some scary stuff. Things I suspected like being away from your body too long and having it possessed by a demon. Or meeting an evil spirit while going out there in their realm. Or getting lost. A part of me was going to do it anyway since I really wanted to and found enough affirmation to keep me from being afraid. But I had enough underlying fear as to where I decided it may be unsafe and unwise to do this now. So I just went to bed. This morning I woke up early, around 8 30. with this intense and irresistible urge to meditate. My crystals were already by my bed. I used to use a timer but since the last time it interrupted what seemed like a break through, I no longer do. Now I use my music as a timer. I know the meditation mp3 is 30 minutes long. Anyway, I meditated for 30 minutes or less when I felt myself begin to go into paralysis mode. It seems like it's happening sooner and sooner. Before I began I prayed and throught it all I kept asking God for protection of my physical and spiritual body and saying I was "bathed in the blood of the lamb" asking my guides to guide and protect me over and over. I felt that may have hindered me bc it was partially in fear.
Anyway, once I let go and decided not to be afraid of anything I made more progress. I saw more ppl and what I think may be dimensions, but none I can remember now. I remember one was quite interesting but it seems like it happened such a long time ago. Anyhow, my body initially kept going in and out of paralysis mode. I felt pressure on me, I felt very heavy and eventually I felt very light. But before that and in between the heavy and lightness I felt something that I can only think of as indegestion. I felt like I as filling with gas. At first I was scared I was being filled with another spirit but I told myself to get rid of that silly fear and that I was with God and had nothing to fear. I kept feeling like my spirit wanted to lift out of my body and kept feeling something weird in the solar plexus area. I told my spirit to go and it did. Thats when I began to see what I thought were the other dimensions and I got a bit impatient. I said I didn't care to see this and wanted to see something important. I kept insisting I see something or someone who can help me see auras and open my third eye. Until I started writing o you, I didn't realize that was exactly what happened. Anyways, I think thats everything,but something did happen the day before last that I didn't tell you. For some reason I didn't realize it's importance until I told Grim (a good friend of mine) about it. well anyway, i believe we had gotten onto the topic of demons and things happening while you're meditating. I told her about how the day before while I was meditating and asking to see auras I got or heard a voice telling me I could have more. I can have so much more than that if I just do his will.
I just want to state that when you're in that state, a lot of the time it would seem like there's a lot happening at once. Anyway, I think initially i was like "ok, w.e." but a small part of me, or maybe God, told me what was meant by that and I said "no, i don't want that, I just want to see auras." Now something important I forgot to mention. At this point, I can tell, see, and feel that I was on the verge of a major break through and I could see myself reaching a light. I was right there and I believe I was at a semi-eurphoric state. I think thats what distracted me initially and led me to say "okay" and half heartedly agree before I was conscious of what It was I was doing or saying.
Anyhow, after I said I only want to see auras and heal, I got an image in my head. It was an image of Jafar in Aladdin. Jafar, as his second wish was granted to become a sorcerer. While watching the movie, I would always think how cool it would be to have all the powers of being a sorcerer. So this thing, spriit, w.e. reminded me of that and told me I could have all of that. If only I would do his will. I may have been tempted for half a second before I told this thing. "No, I will only do the will of God. If it is not of God then I don't want it." It persisted once more with this image and thoughts and ideas of what it's possibilites held. I screamed "No! I will only do God's work." Then everyting went away. Remember I told you I was right on the verge of a breatk through? That I could begin to see a light I was getting closer to? the semi-euphoria? All that went away along with the voice.
That was very disappointing. But I'd rather take the long way and have it be through God and corrupt free ways then to go through nefarious and evil means. I dont want anything badly enough to make me want to link myself up with the devil. Smh.
One more thing about the female spirit I saw in the garden. It seemed known that I would see her again. She didn't say it and I didn't ask, but I just knew.
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